fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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