If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
