I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
