tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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