He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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