My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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