Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
