Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
