he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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