YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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