it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
