dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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