I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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