Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
