I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
