I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone shit on the floor
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
