she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
