Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
