her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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