she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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