I just saw a hot homeless man
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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