dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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