I am puke
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
