you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
