I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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