I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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