Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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