I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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