Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
