Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
