It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
