I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
