He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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