Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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