So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You need Xanax blowdarts
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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