Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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