This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize