Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
