New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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