dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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