He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
