My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
