Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
