Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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