Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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