All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
