guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i think my cat just said my name.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
