Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
