i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Barsexuality is the new black.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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