I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
