oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
