im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
