Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
