I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
