and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
