your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
