dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
