FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
