there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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