How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
