is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
