I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize