Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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