matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
