You're my little dorito
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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