i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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