No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
