i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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