my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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