DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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