He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
