Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
