so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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