I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
