I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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