I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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