It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
